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With the
high incidence of divorce and changing patterns of families
in the United States, there are increasing numbers of stepfamilies.
New stepfamilies face many challenges. As with any achievement,
developing good stepfamily relationships requires a lot of
effort. Stepfamily members have each experienced losses and
face complicated adjustments to the new family situation.
When a
stepfamily is formed, the members have no shared family histories
or shared ways of doing things, and they may have very different
beliefs. In addition, a child may feel torn between the parent
they live with most (more) of the time and their other parent
who they visit (e.g. lives somewhere else). Also, newly married
couples may not have had much time together to adjust to their
new relationship.
The members
of the new blended family need to build strong bonds among
themselves through:
- acknowledging
and mourning their losses
- developing
new skills in making decisions as a family
- fostering
and strengthening new relationships between: parents, stepparent
and stepchild, and stepsiblings
- supporting
one another; and
- maintaining
and nurturing original parent-child relationships
While
facing these issues may be difficult, most stepfamilies do
work out their problems. Stepfamilies often use grandparents
(or other family), clergy, support groups, and other community-based
programs to help with the adjustments.
Parents
should consider a psychiatric evaluation for their child when
they exhibit strong feelings of being:
- alone
dealing with the losses
- torn
between two parents or two households
- excluded
- isolated
by feelings of guilt and anger
- unsure
about what is right
- very
uncomfortable with any member of the original family or
stepfamily
In addition,
if parents observe that the following signs are lasting or
persistent, then they should consider a psychiatric evaluation
for the child/family:
- child
vents/directs anger upon a particular family member or openly
resents a stepparent or parent
- one
of the parents suffers from great stress and is unable to
help with the child's increased need
- a stepparent
or parent openly favors one of the children
- discipline
of a child is only left to the parent rather than involving
both the stepparent and parent; or
- members
of the family derive no enjoyment from usual pleasurable
activities (i.e. learning, going to school, working, playing
or being with friends and family)
Child
and adolescent psychiatrists are trained and skilled at providing
comprehensive psychiatric evaluations of both the child and
family.
Most stepfamilies,
when given the necessary time to work on developing their
own traditions and to form new relationships, can provide
emotionally rich and lasting relationships for the adults,
and help the children develop the self-esteem and strength
to enjoy the challenges of life.
Additional/related
Facts for Families, #24 "Know When to Seek Help for
Your Child," #1 Children and Divorce," #52 "Comprehensive
Psychiatric Evaluation," #8 "Children and Grief," and #66
"Teens with Stress." Your Child (1998 Harper Collins)/Your
Adolescent (1999 Harper Collins)
Article
#27 Updated 11/99
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