Master Pfriem
Master Pfriem was a short, thin, but lively
man, who never rested a moment. His face, of which his turned-up nose was the only
prominent feature, was marked with smallpox and pale as death. His hair was gray and
shaggy, his eyes small, but they glanced perpetually about on all sides. He saw
everything, criticized everything, knew everything best, and was always in the right. When
he went into the streets, he moved his arms about as if he were rowing, and once he struck
the pail of a girl so high in the air that he himself was wetted all over by the water she
was carrying. Idiot. Cried he to her, shaking himself, could you not see that I was coming
behind you. By trade he was a shoemaker, and when he worked he pulled his thread out with
such force that he drove his fist into everyone who did not keep far enough off. No
apprentice stayed more than a month with him, for he had always some fault to find with
the very best work. At one time it was that the stitches were not even, at another that
one shoe was too long, or one heel higher than the other, or the leather not cut large
enough. Wait, said he to his apprentice, I will soon show you how we make skins soft. And
he brought a strap and gave him a couple of lashes across the back. He called them all
sluggards. He himself did not turn much work out of his hands, for he never sat still for
a quarter of an hour. If his wife got up very early in the morning and lighted the fire,
he jumped out of bed, and ran barefooted into the kitchen, crying, will you burn my house
down for me. That is a fire one could roast an ox by. Does wood cost nothing. If the
servants were standing by their wash-tubs and laughing, and telling each other what they
knew, he scolded them, and said, there stand the geese cackling, and forgetting their
work, to gossip. And why fresh soap. Disgraceful extravagance and shameful idleness into
the bargain. They want to save their hands, and not rub the things properly. And out he
would run and knock a pail full of soap and water over, so that the whole kitchen was
flooded. Someone was building a new house, so he hurrried to the window to look on. There,
they are using that red sand-stone again that never dries, cried he. No one will ever be
healthy in that house. And just look how badly the fellows are laying the stones. Besides,
the mortar is good for nothing. It ought to have gravel in it, not sand. I shall live to
see that house tumble down on the people who are in it. He sat down, put a couple of
stitches in, and then jumped up again, unfastened his leather-apron, and cried, I will
just go out, and appeal to those men's consciences. He stumbled on the carpenters. What's
this, cried he, you are not working by the line. Do you expect the beams to be straight -
one wrong will put all wrong. He snatched an axe out of a carpenter's hand and wanted to
show him how he ought to cut, but as a cart loaded with clay came by, he threw the axe
away, and hastened to the peasant who was walking by the side of it, you are not in your
right mind, said he, who yokes young horses to a heavily-laden cart. The poor beasts will
die on the spot. The peasant did not give him an answer, and Pfriem in a rage ran back
into his work-shop. When he was setting himself to work again, the apprentice reached him
a shoe. Well, what's that again, screamed he, haven't I told you you ought not to cut
shoes so broad. Who would buy a shoe like this, which is hardly anything else but a sole.
I insist on my orders being followed exactly. Master, answered the apprentice, you may
easily be quite right about the shoe being a bad one, but it is the one which you yourself
cut out, and yourself set to work at. When you jumped up a while ago, you knocked it off
the table, and I have only just picked it up. An angel from heaven, however, would never
make you believe that. One night master Pfriem dreamed he was dead, and on his way to
heaven. When he got there, he knocked loudly at the door. I wonder, said he to himself,
that they have no knocker on the door, one knocks one's knuckles sore. The apostle peter
opened the door, and wanted to see who demanded admission so noisily. Ah, it's you master
Pfriem, said he, well, I'll let you in, but I warn you that you must give up that habit of
yours, and find fault with nothing you see in heaven, or you may fare ill. You might have
spared your warning, answered Pfriem. I know already what is seemly, and here, God be
thanked, everything is perfect, and there is nothing to blame as there is on earth. So he
went in, and walked up and down the wide expanses of heaven. He looked around him, to the
left and to the right, but sometimes shook his head, or muttered something to himself.
Then he saw two angels who were carrying away a beam. It was the beam which someone had
had in his own eye whilst he was looking for the splinter in the eye of another. They did
not carry the beam lengthways, however, but obliquely. Did anyone ever see such a piece of
stupidity, thought master Pfriem. But he said nothing, and seemed satisfied with it. It
comes to the same thing after all, whichever way they carry the beam, straight or athwart,
if they only get along with it, and truly I do not see them knock against anything. Soon
after this he saw two angels who were drawing water out of a well into a bucket, but at
the same time he observed that the bucket was full of holes, and that the water was
running out of it on every side. They were watering the earth with rain. Hang it, he
exclaimed, but happily recollected himself, and thought, perhaps it is only a pastime. If
it is an amusement, then it seems they can do useless things of this kind, especially here
in heaven, where people, as I have already noticed, do nothing but idle about. He went
farther and saw a cart which had stuck fast in a deep hole. It's no wonder, said he to the
man who stood by, who would load so unreasonably. What have you there. Good wishes,
replied the man, I could not get on the right way with it, but still I have pushed it
safely up here, and here they won't leave me stuck. In fact an angel did come and harness
two horses to it. That's quite right, thought Pfriem, but two horses won't get that cart
out, it must at least have four to it. Another angel came and brought two more horses, she
did not harness them in front of it, however, but behind. That was too much for master
Pfriem, clumsy creature, he burst out, what are you doing there. Has anyone ever since the
world began seen a cart drawn in that way. But you, in your conceited arrogance, think
that you know everything best. He was going to say more, but one of the inhabitants of
heaven seized him by the throat and pushed him forth with irresistible strength. Beneath
the gateway master Pfriem turned his head round to take one more look at the cart, and saw
that it was being raised into the air by four winged horses. At this moment master Pfriem
awoke. Things are certainly arranged in heaven otherwise than they are on earth, said he
to himself, and that excuses much, but who can see horses harnessed both behind and before
with patience. To be sure they had wings but who could know that. It is, beside, great
folly to fix a pair of wings to a horse that has four legs to run with already. But I must
get up, or else they will make nothing but mistakes in my house. It is a lucky thing
though, that I am not really dead.
--The End-- |
